You Look Like Someone Who Could Use a Little More Dorothy Parker In Their Life

"A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika."

"Scratch a lover, and find a foe."

"Brevity is the soul of lingerie."

"I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true."

"I've never been a millionaire but I just know I'd be darling at it."

"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised."

"Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves."

"The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires."

"That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment."

"They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm."

"The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity."

"I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more."

Of Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged, Parker said: 
“This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”

When asked to use the word horticulture during a game of Can-You-Give-Me-A-Sentence, Parker replied: 
"You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think."

Three you may have heard, but didn't know were hers:

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy"

"Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses."

"Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone."

A frequent misattribution, but telling anyhow:
"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."

And a little verse...

"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under the host."

"If wild my breast and sore my pride,
I bask in dreams of suicide,
If cool my heart and high my head
I think, "How lucky are the dead.""

"Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Romania."

"Whose love is given over-well
Will look on Helen's face in Hell;
While they whose love is thin and wise
May view John Knox in Paradise."

"Drink and dance and laugh and lie,
Love, the reeling midnight through,
For tomorrow we shall die!
(But, alas, we never do.)"

"Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful,
Nooses give,
Gas smells awful.
You might as well live."