An End to the Torment

I was severely bullied today, when I got to school (y’all know the routine, punched and beaten)(well, I’m severely bullied all the time). But, this time, I was bullied on the subject of Jobyna Ralston. As I lay nearly lifeless on the ground, my tormenter yells this:

“No one cares about you, no one likes you, you’re so stupid to think that you have friends, when they really hate you and they think you’re the most wasted piece of space on this Earth. Who cares about Jobyna Ralston (She said something worse, but since I’m nice and don’t us profanity, I shall say that)? She never cared about you! No one does! She’s dead and I’m sure everyone here wishes that you’re dead too and I can make that happen.” Laying there lifeless, I manage to say this:

“You don’t know Jobyna. I do. Yes, granted, she’s in the ground, but doesn’t mean I won’t stop adoring her, like I adore so many. My heart is full and it’s full of kindness and Jobyna help put it there, as others did too. You can go on ahead and kill me. Go ahead, I have lived this far, you can go on ahead and take my life. But, if you do, you will know that my mother will be terribly upset. My father will be and so will my brother. Jobyna was someone who had a lot more gumption than you did. Judging by your behavior, you must have had a really bad childhood. You must understand that you may hurt me, but really you are hurting yourself. You may bruise me up, but you are really bruising yourself and as far as Jobyna Ralston is concerned, she was bullied of her lisp. How do I know this? I’ve read it, and I’ve heard it. I understand her situation. She came to somebody for help and that person helped her. I feel like Clara Bow right now. You have hurt me over her and yet, you have no idea who she was or is.” Then, slowly getting up, I say this: “ So, you may go on ahead and ‘end’ me, but it will be a lot of problems for you in the end. I have another thing to say, you can hurt me all you want, but you ARE NOT and I do mean ARE NOT GOING TO INSULT JOBYNA RALSTON. NO. THAT IS SOMETHING I WILL NOT TOLERATE!”

“You didn’t even know her, you loser!” (yells my tormenter).

“Oh I do, it’s just not the way you’re accustomed to. You can hurt me all you want, but you are not going to hurt her, because you can’t be nice to people!”

*Punch* (back on the ground and laying there lifeless).

“No cares about you! You are so useless and so is that little twerp (she did say this) Jobyna, or whatever her name is!”

With the last and little strength I had, I said this:

“I may be useless to you, but I can guarantee you, I can find people who would disagree with you, about Jobyna, maybe not me, but Jobyna, definitely. So go ahead, kill me now, go on. Then, slowly getting up, I say this and now thinking of it, I still can’t believe I said this: You scared? You should be! I’m not going to tolerate this any longer! I have been battered by you for too long and IT ENDS NOW. Yes, I’m talking. I’m speaking and as Jobyna Ralston as my witness, I will not tolerate this any longer. Yes, I was afraid to say something. Yes, I am afraid to die, and I know what you’re capable of, but you are NOT going to hurt Jobyna. Over my Gish body, you’re not going to. If you want to hurt her, you’ll have to go through me and I’m not going to let you hurt her easily! Is it really worth to hurt someone like me? Is it? I cannot believe how your mother thinks that you are ‘some angel’, when in the reality of things, you torment someone who has done nothing to you. WHAT HAVE I DONE? TELL ME!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE?? Wait, oh, I know, love classic and silent film. Yes, that’s it! That’s a really absurd reason to hurt

“Harry who???” my tormenter says.

“IT’S HAROLD LLOYD, and might I add, how absurd you are for any of this. You can let me alone, like I let you alone. My nature is different from yours. I’m old fashioned, I will admit, but the strength I have doesn’t come from anything that’s modern. It comes from people who inspire me, people like Jobyna. With that said, I hope you find remorse in what you have done. So, are you ready to ‘end’ me?”

My tormenter than looks at me and doesn’t say anything.

“Well, you going to ‘end me’ or not?” I ask, looking at her. Then, she looks at me with wide eyes.

“OH MY GOD!” She yells.

“What?” I ask. She says this:

“Okkk, fine, I’ll take your word for it!” Then, she slowly backs away from me.

That my friend, I hope , puts an end to my being bullied days.

Now, if you are bullied, please, tell someone, it’ll help!

Again, I’m sorry y’all had to read this, but I had to make this ‘bullying’ end!


Mother Jobyna

June 2nd. 1933

Dearest Mertzal.

Thank you for your letter! So sorry it took me forever to reply! I was quite busy and as you can see why! Isn’t he beautiful? His name is Richard. Yes, after his daddy!! I just can’t believe I’m a mother now!! I hope to be a good one! I hope I can come down to see you and I will bring him! I want you to meet the new part of my life. I just crazy about him. I hope that he’ll grow up and he’ll be very smart! I know you’ve helped me out so much! How are you love? I hope you’ve been alright! How is your dad? I finally learned how to say his name : Petael-Pa-tell. Is that right? I hope so!! I hope that your brothers and your mother are fine as well. We are all fine here. Richard sends his greetings as well as my little bundle of joy! Ohh Mertzal, if you could see him! I swear he looks just like his father! Do you want children? I hope you have children, Mertzal. I’m a new mother and I have so much to learn! I know I’ll problem need some guidance along the way! But, I’m just in love with my new little one! If you don’t know who these lovely people are, on my right is Helen Twelvetress with her beautiful son, Jack and my left is Arline Judge with her son, Charles. Don’t we all look lovely? I know what you’ll say; “You look beautiful” and I thank you in advance. Thank you for the book, I just received it in the mail! Thank you for being so wonderful to me and I do apologize again for Richard’s action towards you. Thank you for telling me what that ‘K’ word was! I wish he had never said it! If I had known what that ‘K’ word was, I would have told him to apologize, but I had no idea what that ‘K’ word meant, till you told me! I’m so sorry, and I feel so awful about it. I am still not sure why it was that awful? I would never call you that, but I am not exactly sure how it applies to you. Your name doesn’t begin with a ‘K’. Does it have to do with ‘your kind’? I’ll explain that in a telegram soon, of what I mean by that! Still, I hope you’ll accept his apology! He didn’t understand our ‘system’! I know that I’ll try to explain it better to him that it was for ‘support’! I’m glad you came up with that (ohh turn the page over!)


But, I hope you’re doing well!! See you very soon my dear!!

Lots of love,



Sad Love

She was not happy with him. I know that for a fact. She only was married to him of about 18 years. I doubt that they were happy 18 years. He might have won her heart in ‘Wings’, but that didn’t last long in reality. She was upset. If you see photographs, you could tell that she was not happy at all. She looked happy, but in the reality of things, he was jealous of her. He was jealous of her beauty. When I saw her, he was jealous of me. I think it was because I taught her how to speak and how to read. I think it was because of her sneaking to my room and getting into bed with me and crying, was I certain that the marriage wouldn’t last. Arlen never seemed to smile much. He took the love of my life away from me. I felt like I was losing June Caprice all over again. He never smiled at anything. He was cruel to her and I witnessed it first-hand. I wished she was mine. I really do. She would write me letters, telling me how the marriage would not work out. She didn’t want to divorce him. She tried her hardest to love him, but he seemed to wrapped up in his own world to notice her cries. She wrote me a letter saying to expect her in the next few weeks. I wrote her back quickly, asking her if anything was wrong. She wrote back quickly too saying ‘ I need you’.

Regarding Mildred

Mildred Davis. I knew her well. She knew me well. She came to the library often enough then you can tell. She was a beautiful woman, but to some, not the prettiest. But, to me, she had a heart of gold. She always had this way of talking to people that made them feel better about themselves. Let me tell you about one instance.

It was about 1924. She had retired from films, as far as I know. She came alone. I was surprised to see her. She came up to me. She took one look at me and said :

“Ohh my goodness, what is wrong?” I assured her that nothing was wrong. I lied. Everything was wrong.

“Mr. Mert, something is wrong, and I shall know why?” I didn’t say anything.

“Mert, have you ever had problems with marriage or life?” She asked. I was not married at the time. I said ‘no’ to the marriage part, but ‘yes’ to the life part.

“I am not sure what to do about Harold? He persuaded me to retire and I have my whole life ahead of me,” She said. I stood up (I was sitting down behind the reference desk) and I took her hand.

“Mildred, come with me,” I said. I lead her to a table. I told her to sit. She sat. She looked like she was about to cry. I took her hand in mine.

“Your heart is too full to worry,” I said.

She looked up at me.

Then, she said something I’ll never forget.

“You will be loved by thousands. You are rare, Mr. Mert. You will take women who are tattered and torn and put them back together.” She then hugged me. Hugging Mildred Davis was like hugging a warm blanket. She was so warm. If you’ve ever seen a picture or motion picture now-a-days, you will see when something special hugs another, you get that ‘spark’ or that ‘special effect’. I felt like her heart was melting into mine. It was a long and beautiful hug. She taught me to ‘take someone as they are’. She also taught me that the damaged people, are the kindest, and believe me, you couldn’t see it, but she was damaged. It took me to fix her”


We Are the Resistance

Dearest Librarian:

We know that you have been hurt. We cannot accept that pain you take. So, we have something to say.

Don’t stop believing. Don’t stop dreaming. This is the fight for innocence.

Our hearts will love again.

Don’t let go, don’t let go.


These women will not tolerate this treatment of you.


Don’t stop believing, don’t you stop dreaming.

This is the fight for innocence.

Don’t stop believing. Don’t stop dreaming. This is the fight for innocence.

Our hearts will love again.

Don’t let go, don’t let go.


We will be untied…

We will won’t stop believing, or breathing.

This is the fight of innocence.

Don’t let go, don’t let go.


Don’t let go of your innocence.

Don’t stop believing. Don’t stop dreaming. This is the fight for innocence.

Our hearts will love again.

Don’t let go, don’t let go.



~Your visitors at the library.


An Adventure with Lillian Gish and Rita Hayworth

Rita went up to Lillian’s apartment. Lillian was happy to see Rita. “Rita, my dear friend! What can I do for you?” “Lillian, there is a place that we need to see!” Rita stated. “What kind of place? Where is it? How can we get there?” Rita explained that she found a ‘reserve’ (if you will) and that they needed to see it. Lillian asked how they would get there. “We shall walk,” stated Rita. Lillian agreed. She and Rita walked. Thankfully, Rita knew the way. But, their journey wasn’t without struggle. When they were walking along the gravel road, there appeared two men. Rita didn’t like the looks of these two gentlemen. Thankfully, they both dressed accordingly. Rita grabbed Lillian’s arm. “Lillian, whatever happens now, do as I say,” Rita stated. Lillian didn’t say a word and nodded her head. Rita then lead Lillian slowly ahead. The two men looked at Lillian. This look, I will regret to say, wasn’t pleasant. Then, the men started walking towards them. Rita pushed Lillian and told her to RUN!. Lillian ran through a forest . She was only thinking of one thing: Which way to go or What about Rita? She didn’t look behind her. She kept running forward then, she tripped and fell. One of the men grabbed her and pulled her up. “Where you going?” he snarled. Lillian was good at smacking people and she hit the man really hard. He released her and she continued to run. Then, she came to a cliff. But, her feet wouldn’t stop fast enough, and she fell. But, while she was falling, a hand grabbed hers. It was Rita. “You didn’t think I’d let Lillian Gish die, did you?” Rita pulled her up and hugged her. Lillian was in tears. “What about the men?” “A herd of buffalo scared them off,” Rita said. Lillian dried her eyes. “Now, are you ready to see the place I found?” Rita said. After Lillian dried her eyes, she nodded. The two of them walked in fields of flowers and then they saw wild horses running around. Then, finally the reached the “reserve”. They saw buffalo galore. “Rita, thank you for saving my life,” Lillian said. “That’s what friends are for right?” Rita said. The two of them walked among the buffalo. The buffalo were friendly. They would let Rita and Lillian pet them. Lillian and Rita finally enjoyed themselves. “Can’t wait to tell Dorothy about this!” Lillian said. “Lillian, I’ll always keep you safe,” Rita stated. Lillian agreed she’d do the same . The two looked out into the vast valley.


Our Revolution

via Alice Bag's Violence Girl blog

"It’s all about how you have to look a certain way or else you’re worthless. You know when you look in the mirror, and you think, ‘Ugh, I’m so fat, I’m so old, I’m so ugly’, don’t you know that’s not your authentic self, but that is billions upon billions of dollars of advertising, magazines, movies, billboards, all geared to make you feel shitty about yourself so that you will take your hard-earned money and spend it on some turnaround cream that doesn’t turnaround shit.

"When you don’t have self-esteem, you will hesitate before you do anything in your life. You will hesitate to go for the job you really wanna go for. You will hesitate to ask for a raise. You will hesitate to report a rape. You will hesitate to defend yourself when you are discriminated against because of your race, your sexuality, your size, your gender. You will hesitate to vote. You will hesitate to dream.
For us to have self-esteem is truly an act of revolution. And our revolution is long-overdue."

-Margaret Cho

Lillian's Request

Dear Mert,

I hope I can call you that! I have included something for you in this letter. I have included a little photograph of me. I also want to let you know that I am coming to see you soon about my books! I have one more for you to hold on to, but Dorothy (my sister, whom you’ll notice, has a bit of resemblance to me) will have the book to give to you . I am not exactly sure when , but do look out for her! I need to thank you in advance for keeping the books for me! I do not know what it is about your library, but I feel that it is the safest place to keep the books. I have two. You may read them, for they are nothing personal. But, I fear the worst, dear Mert. I do. I had the worst dream. Do you mind If I tell it to you? It was years, years later and I saw these two men wanting my books! They destroyed the library and they hurt you, but you protected my books! Mert, with all due respect, please, keep the books safe for me, please! Thank You! I will see you soon!

Yours, Lillian Gish


Thanks from Lillian

November 22, 1921

Dear Mert,

Thank you for staying the night with me. It was so nice to have you there with me. I thank you for understanding my plight and wanting to help. Luckily, everything turned out alright (you know what I’m talking about, right? What I told you about?) I thank you also for taking me to the clinic, to see if I was alright with my ‘cold’. It was so kind of you to take me! Mert, you have been so kind to me and I don’t think I have had a good friend like you, other than my good friend Nell. I told you all about Nell and I’m so sorry if I bored you to death about her. But, I wanted to extend my thanks to you for being so generous in your generous offer, but luckily, I am going to be just fine. I haven’t told Dorothy yet about what went on, while I visited you, ohh, mother would just have a fit! You must be happy to know that your mother is not living in the States. Mother would have a fit about anything. She would definitely have a fit, if she knew that you and I were in the same room together ( I can’t say more, for I know she’ll ask me “Lillian Diana Gish, who are you writing to?”) . But, you know what I’m talking about. You seem very brilliant and I know that you are, so you can ‘figure it out’. I am to write you another letter, soon, but in this for this letter, I have included a lovely picture of me. I knew you would like that. Your letter that you sent me, was just overwhelming with kindness and gratitude. It almost got me in tears, but since Dorothy is around or I’m usually on rehearsing a scene, I kept it to myself. I loved every word, I hung on every word! I’m sorry this letter is brief, but I hope to hear from you soon! Also, I want to know more about your family. ‘Mertzal’, I want to know where your family would come up with a name like that? It’s so unusual , but if fits a lovely man, such as yourself!

Sincerely Yours, Lillian Gish



The Birth of "Girl Shy"

Mildred Davis and Harold Lloyd did come to the library. I remember them quite well. I was just sitting behind the reference desk and in walks the Lloyds. Mildred was beautiful, but in a different kind of way. Harold was holding her arm. Mr. Lloyd walked up to me and said hello. I said “Hello sir, how may I help you today?” He looked at my name tag, and then he looked again, like he knew the name somewhere.
“Mertzal!” He said.
“Yes, sir, that’s me,” I said.
“I’ve heard your name somewhere, I’m trying thing to think where I’ve heard it,” He said, thinking. I sat there, looking shy. I was a shy man. I know it may not seem like it, but I am.
“OH! I think I remember, have you heard of a woman named Jobyna Ralston?” He asked me. I nodded and said “Yes sir, I have.”
“She told me of a man named Mertzal, I think that might be you!” He said. I couldn’t lie. I nodded.
“It’s so great to meet you sir!” Harold said. I shook his hand.
“How can I help you both today?” I asked, nervous.
“Well, my wife and I were wondering if we could talk to you for a bit?” He asked. I nodded and lead them to a table. He talked me about a new idea for a picture, starring Jobyna. He wanted to know if I would recommend something to him. Well, I said “I’m not a picture expert, but I know there a lot of books you base something off of,” I said.
“Jobyna talks about a system you do with her hands, what’s that all about?” Harold asked. I remember Jobyna cabling me a few days before saying that she thought that Harold hated her, because he didn’t understand this system.
“It’s a long story , Mr. Lloyd and it’s really for her benefit,” I said, trying not to sound rude. Harold sounded like he was interested in Jobyna. He had Mildred. Jobyna was mine. My eyes let him know that, but I don’t think he got that.
“I want to know if I could tell you about a picture idea,” Harold said. He and Mildred took turns talking and there my friend, was the ‘birth’ of “Girl Shy”.

A Letter from Jobyna


Dear Mertzal,

I finally have completed that book you sent me. What a lovely story! I couldn’t put it down. I have tried to read out loud, but sometimes, the words just don’t come out right. I didn’t know that you had brothers! That must have been lovely! Can you please give me a phonetic way of how to say your last name? I know how to spell it just fine, just saying it, is a little bit hard! I’ve been alright, thank you for asking! I hope you are doing well! Oh! I spoke to Ms. Lillian Gish today. She knows you too!! Such a small world it is! I am planning on seeing you soon! I want to read another book to you. I think I’m getting better (with my mouth, well, you have the other name for it, but I don’t like saying it). But, I am doing well in the pictures. I’m working in another picture with Harold Lloyd. I wrote you about him last week! I’m starting a picture called “Girl Shy”. It should be a lot of fun! Ohh Mertzal! I get to wear such nice clothes for this picture and I get to have a little puppy dog with me! But, can I tell you a secret? Harold has to stutter and it sort of reminds me of what I have , sort of .. does that make sense. But, I will ‘play it safe’, if that makes sense to you at all. So, I heard someone speaking Yiddish today and I thought of you! You speak it fully or ‘fluently’ right? I thought you did! I cannot wait to see you again! I am so sorry this letter is brief, but here is a little portrait of me. I think you’ll like it. I think it. I like the fence, I think you would too! By the way, when I come back to see you, can you show me all of the library, I don’t think I’ve seen it all yet! I would love to see it all!! Ohh! Before I forget, when I get there, Ms. Gish had asked me to check on her books for her. She said that she had two books that you are keeping for her, right? That’s what she told me. I wish I had a book for you to keep! Oh! But, I don’t understand what she needs the books there for?

Well, lovely, I must be off now! I shall see you soon, alright!


Jobyna Ralston


June in Peril

July 22, 1933

Dear Mertzal, or Mert,

I don’t know which one you prefer? I went to the doctor and they said that can try to help me fight this disease. I am not sure what it will do, but they say I could end up dying from it. OH! But need not worry about me, for I have my family supporting me. I thank you for your kind letter and your lovely offer. I will be alright.

Mert. I need to tell you this now.

I’m scared to death. I’m not alright. I’m sick.

I have this disease. But, I am ready for another vacation, how about you? I want to see you now. I feel like you can help me solve the question of how I got this incurable disease? Is it a disease? I’m just so scared. I cannot even sleep at night without thinking of a tombstone. I can’t even breathe. Mert, please, help me. Read what you can to figure out this. I need to know a cure! Is there a cure? I need to know. I’m scared that I’m going to die. I’m scared of the Earth below me. I don’t want to die now. Help me, please. I have sent you a list of my symptoms. I hope cancer doesn’t kill. I am hoping not. I cannot even think of a funeral.

Mert, you have expressed how much you care for me and I do reciprocate that. I wish to see you very soon!

Lots of Love,

June Caprice.


Lillian Gish

Mert said this of this picture: “I will always treasure this one. Lillian looked like this when I first met her. I remember that face. She always told me that people don’t think that she smiled enough. I said ‘You showed your teeth to me plenty of teeth’ and then she’d smile with her teeth. She said that she had a ‘mere mouth’. I’m not sure what she meant by that, but I know that she meant well!”