Diablo Cody is, of course, the Oscar-winning screenwriter of Juno. Did you see that one? Some of the dialog in it was a little clunky and too 'written', but for the most part it was sweet and nice and possibly even cool. I love that two sixteen-year-old kids have sex to Astrud Gilberto - that that's their idea of humpin' music. Hilarious!
Whatever, she's also written a book but I haven't read it yet, though I bet it's great. I say this 'cause I been reading her blog the past few months and let me tell you- the girl knows how to make that work. She gives it equal parts dissolute & urbane, canny & cynical, precocious & naive, but, finally, tender & personal. It's true: she's a good writer.
So the quote from the top of the illustration there is from one of her posts - whatever she'd written around the time I made the picture. It was something about that game we had as kids, SIMON or something, where you have this battery-operated thing that plays an increasing sequence of lights and sounds that you have to remember and repeat, and she's going on about how she was never any good at it and I relate well to this 'cause neither was I.
"Fuck this thing, let's watch Ultraman!"
The last one of hers I read was even better and it had... shit, man, I'll just copy and paste it. That's not violating any FCC regulations, is it?
"I watch infomercials like some people watch the playoffs. I mean, I am invested. Even when the footage begins to repeat itself in that ourobouros-type way, I keep watching. It's the rhetoric I love, the promises made. An infomercial is like a first date with a guy who seems perfect. (Four dates later, you discover that he "just doesn't like" doing certain key things in the sack. But still! Rhetoric!)"
"In the past, I've bought and/or been gifted with such products as the Rotato (only useful if you're militant about peels and/or my mother) Yoga Booty Ballet (ha!) and the Total Tiger (I literally threw that thing into the alley behind my Chicago apartment circa 2002.)"
"But this thing... for lack of a finer metaphor, this thing eats pussy."
"I grind coffee beans in this thing. I make smoothies. I make bad gringo guacamole that doubles as a soothing face mask. You can pour vodka and ice directly into the Magic Bullet, pulse that bitch a few times, throw in a cocktail onion and pretend it's a Gibson and that you're not an alcoholic."
"I haven't tried making the BLOOBERRY MOOFINS! that the British guy in the commercial keeps crowing about, but I may have to try it. Maybe pulverized batter will cure my methface."
"'EE'S GOT STRAWBERRY BANAHNAH!"
"I can't be the only person who loves this machine."
The last one of hers I read was even better and it had... shit, man, I'll just copy and paste it. That's not violating any FCC regulations, is it?
"I watch infomercials like some people watch the playoffs. I mean, I am invested. Even when the footage begins to repeat itself in that ourobouros-type way, I keep watching. It's the rhetoric I love, the promises made. An infomercial is like a first date with a guy who seems perfect. (Four dates later, you discover that he "just doesn't like" doing certain key things in the sack. But still! Rhetoric!)"
"In the past, I've bought and/or been gifted with such products as the Rotato (only useful if you're militant about peels and/or my mother) Yoga Booty Ballet (ha!) and the Total Tiger (I literally threw that thing into the alley behind my Chicago apartment circa 2002.)"
"But this thing... for lack of a finer metaphor, this thing eats pussy."
"I grind coffee beans in this thing. I make smoothies. I make bad gringo guacamole that doubles as a soothing face mask. You can pour vodka and ice directly into the Magic Bullet, pulse that bitch a few times, throw in a cocktail onion and pretend it's a Gibson and that you're not an alcoholic."
"I haven't tried making the BLOOBERRY MOOFINS! that the British guy in the commercial keeps crowing about, but I may have to try it. Maybe pulverized batter will cure my methface."
"'EE'S GOT STRAWBERRY BANAHNAH!"
"I can't be the only person who loves this machine."
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